ITSUMADEMO KOKORO KARA

some of my well loved japanese songs...sung by various artist...enjoy!

Life @ 5am

...you could guess the rest...Im here in workplace,whiling away the time after the shift...pouncing my emotions on the computer.honestly,I find everything sooo boring.Not because I find everything so easy but rather,Everything is so routinary...and I fuckin hate it.
Its my well treasured friends(FEW of them) that keeps me here...I mean from not showing up.I hate the fact that youll see the same gargoyles every shift.But against my better judgement...I have to.to sustain my lifestyle and the in betweens.But if I can just have my way...damn.You will never see me here.
Id rather sing onstage.release my musical side and all than slave my whole being to those assholes abroad...I feel that I could do more and be more on stage...just like in my younger days.

I NEED TO FIND WAYS TO LIVEN UP MY LIFE...THOUGH NOBODY HAS DIED OF BOREDOM YET...I DONT WANNA BE THE FIRST.SO THERE.

THIS IS SICK...JUST FUCKIN SICK

Im getting sick of everything around me...I need a fresh breeze of air...It seems like everything is so routinary and I wasnt made for this...dammit!

My workplace sucks as well...There are what you call Unspeakables...Why?the mere mention of their names makes me wanna go on and throw them out of the building.Curse those swell headed fucks who knows nuthing but to downsize people...well,karma is digital nowadays.Those bigots and racist in my workplace...fuck them for being insufferable idiots...I pray for their immediate demise. I just hate everything now...I need a change!!! a freaking nice well deserve change...Coz plainly everything is sooo routinary..And I refuse to be eaten up by the vicious cycle.

DITCHING...

I ditched gian after meeting him...No magic...I tried to look for the chemistry that we had over the phone but there was none...Theres no way I could prolong this one...(sigh)

TRAPPED STILL

pathetic it may seems but I do believe that first love never dies...its just there,buried under the layers of new emotions but never forgotten.I hate the fact that Im still missing him...most probably because hes the one I gave my all...and I mean my ALL...
Youll always have a special place in my heart...no matter where I'll be or whom I'm with...It would still be you...Niko...

Hope that God would give me someone like you...though I know that hoping is futile...Im still hoping...because What I felt for you is true...and truth has endurance...

an open letter...

I need to do that for you...you might not understand it this early and honestly I do have my share of mistake thats why remember I said Im sorry last time, but I hold one of the greatest truths that youve been denying yourself...Have you ever wondered even for a split second why He can kiss me and the other guy in front of you?that he likes the way I kissed him?...He already disclosed the fact to me in the CR.That he doesnt see himself falling for you...I need to flirt to see everything and I was able to confirm my worst suspicions.You know I have lots of guys and frankly That bitchy moment was just like that..a bitchy moment.And I was able to find some truths straight from him.For the life of me...I wouldnt steal him away from no one..much more to you...Yeah,I liked the way we kissed but I never said I loved him... and I wouldnt see him with me either...You know my taste.
You may not see me the way I was before and frankly speaking I dont give a damn about it.Piece of advice though...no matter how unsolicited it is.LET GO...LET GO OF THAT STRUGGLE TO WIN HIM.ITS JUST A LOSING ACT.HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU THE WAY YOURE LOVING HIM.AND YOU DESERVE MORE THAN WHAT YOUR GETTING FROM HIM.

You may end the friendship between us if you want to...Thats perfectly fine with me...but do wake up.You cant play loser forever.I wish you success and you may find the one whos really worth your life.

Black Widow Kiss

I did kiss someone I wasnt supposed to kiss and almost got eaten up by the consequences.This guy is the person whom my friend is crushing on..well,the guy's committed but my friend,for the stupidity of him...is actin up that they are a couple...so there.
I got a bit drunk(sorry) and well,were sitting side by side...the guy held my hand...so am I.Nobody knows whats happening under the table and it started out as just a mere provocation...well,you know what happens when a guy's drunk...So we kissed (a short kiss with tongue involved)My friend shrieked.
Frankly...I liked his lips..and he later admitted that he liked the way I kissed him.My friend got balistic...so am I...Whats with that kiss?Its not like I'm gonna steal the guy from him..Its just a momentary pleasure that we both liked.it happened one last time in the cr.This time its a bit more passionate and longer...before I bid him goodbye.And he disclosed that theres no way he will fall for my friend coz hes with a guy for 18 mos.(ouch)
My friend and I got into a short spat afterwards and I so wanna slap him with the reality that he should wake up...there will never be a happy ending for them...And Im geting tired of him actin as if he was the bf...Silly arguments that they love to wallow in...to make themselves more important?I couldnt care less.He perfectly knows how stupid he is and yet he likes what hes in now.
I walked out,hailed a cab and went home without talkin...its just stupid to bring up the subject and the argument...its plain and simple.NO THEM.
You might chastise me for being a bitch but Im just honest..I liked the way we kissed...but thats just about it.I know where to draw the line...somehow(smiles)

Dino...returns

hay dino my dino....hehe...the custest pic I got ...love the boyish appeal!

FORCES OF NATURE

Have you ever wondered why no matter how hard you try to make things ok...everything just sucks...punyetang life to!!!
Its so hot this afternoon when i hauled my carcass on my work...im wearing a get up that looks like a vampire..And its sooo humid!!! kainis!!! and I wanted to look stylish...
Well,everything got better later(I hope) and im still keeping my fingers crossed.Gian called me nga pala and well...you could guess the rest...he wanted me back...im looking at his pic at this moment and I'm thinking that maybe I should give it a go this time but I having 2nd thoughts.Probably because I wanted it to last this time...hay pag-ibig! I still love him for everythings worth it...and I am ,for the life of me,wants it to last this time. =)

First foray in rotating pictures

just trying my handsin posting these roating pics...wellI put some of my well loved guys...enjoy!

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE SONG..NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME FALL INLOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN..ENJOY

STICK AROUND BY AZURE
How many times do I daydream
About making love to you
I'll take you to a special place
Where it's only me and you
I'll put away all your troubles
On the other side of the world
And wrap my arms around you, hon
And tell you you're my girl
(So let's go sail away in the night)
And we'll go far away from here
(Tell you that's where our love is right)
Can I take you to my world?

Chorus
Whenever you're sad
Whenever you're crying
I'll be the one who wipes away your tears
Whenever you're cold
Whenever you need me
I'll be the one who runs to you
Give you my love
Well you know how much I love you
So you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much
Baby, just stick around

A quiet day in the country
Or a rainy night in my room
We'll hide away in a time machine
If the morning comes too soon
An afternoon in your eyes
Or a lifetime in your heart
Forever just ain't long enough
But at least it's a good start
(Falling deeper in love with you)
Will you be there to catch me girl?
(I hope your falling deep with me too)
Can I keep you in my world?

Chorus

Forever, forever
Ooh.. would you come on baby
(let's go sail away in the night)
And we'll go far away from here
(Tell you that's where our love is right)
Ooh..

Cause, whenever you're sad
Whenever you're crying
I'll be the one who wipes away your tears
Whenever you call me
Whenever you need me
I'm gonna be right there and give you my love
Yeah, and you know how much I love you
So you better not let me down
I'm not asking for too much, baby
Just stick around
Forever, forever

DINO IMPERIAL...hunk in the making...

OMG...I sooo loved this kid...i like his facial features! sobrang naughty yet innocent! And to think this is my first time to fancy a younger guy....Damn it Dino Imperial! what have you done to me! LOL!

That Hot mexican Tamale

nothing beats Thalia when it comes to raw sensuality...hers is a child like seduction...slowly drawing you to her world without any force...not to mention she was given and angelic voice...total package...one of my influences in music...emotion wise.

Parallel Universe

Androids are robots which are programmed till destruction hits them...I feel like im one of them and I fuckin hate it...I need a rest or to put it bluntly...a freakin change!
Im way done with my hair...its deep auburn right now...I want a change of scenery...people and work...it gets intoxicating sometimes that no matter how nice you are...you have this urge to just toss people out of the window randomly...I fuckin hate monotony.
I gotta find a way to counter act this boredom.Im bored out of my bleeping skull.And I hate the assholes that plagued the office im in...damn them...Oh how would I gloat seeing them get shot in the knee caps...bleed to death and finally..maimed to rest...(just kidding)

I simply just gotta haul my ass out of this boredom!!! DAMMIT!!!!

Mic Test

The sensual musical side...Go rock my world!...

Needing...

Is really love measured by the size of waistline? or the height or the patrician features of the nose?...then what happened to sense and being sensible enough to discern a lifetime of happiness than moments of lust?...This is sooo fucked up!!! What about the heart that beats for forever?...If only these people would realize that love cant be physical then everyone will have someone and forever wouldnt be impossible...(sigh)

Gods of the deep

Im always fascinated with these creatures...always drawn to mermaids,with the long hair,beautiful fish tails...imagine my suprise when I learned that there are mermen as well...lol! I dont know...Im just plain fixated with their aquatic sensuality(what a word!) not to mention they look good when they swim...heres one I spotted...he might be looking for you =)

MY FIRST LOVE

I need not to say anything about this guy, except that these eyes belongs to the guy who will always be my first...The first person whom I gave my heart...my first love...N.A.M


"First Love"
3rd Single
Utada Hikaru


Saigo no kisu wa/ Tabako no flavor ga shita/ Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa/ Anata wa doko ni iru n' darou/ Dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou...

CHORUS:
You are always gonna be my love Itsu ka/ dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo/ I'll remember to love You taught me how/ You are always gonna be the one Ima wa/ mada kanashii love song /Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga/ Ugoki-dasou to shite 'ru/ Wasuretaku nai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro ni wa/ Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru/ Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou
CHORUS:
You will always be inside my heart Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara I hope that I have a place in your heart too Now and forever you are still the one Ima wa mada kanashii love song Atarashii uta utaeru made
CHORUS 2:
You are always gonna be my love Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo I'll remember to love You taught me how You are always gonna be the one Mada kanashii love song Now and forever...

Beautiful Boxer

love this pic...he is sooo hunky not to mention edible...hehehe...ENJOY!

My Love...Emotion...

The songs that beats inside...If I were to put into music whats inside my heart...it would sound like this...

The Swan

I guess its a freakin wake up dream when I glanced in a mirror and saw a slob looking back!!! Horror of horrors! It suddenly dawned on me that I indeed have nglected myself that much..,
I used to go to the gym,but for some weird reason...well I left my company so my membership to golds was terminated as well,I got tired.Probably because I am so fed up with the scene today,particularly the dating scene.Must love be measured by the waistline and weight?damn shallow fucks.
I resolved to get back in shape again...little by little and I promised myself that by 30 im freakin sexy....I know the feeling of being noticed.its happiness and pure bliss.And i vow to get it again.
The Swan will emerge once again and for good and this time ...I'll call the shots.

Male erotica

I sooo love the gay sketches...theres something in them...more like innocent eroticism..you know its just a drawing but then again...you could almost feel the throbbing...this is one of them.

BULGES to make go hhmmmnnn...

HAIL to the bulges around the world....dont forget to wipe your drool after!!! hehehehe! go!!!

Dreaming of you

I love this picture...love the concept and all...

The Porn Star who looks like my First

this is one of the porn stars that I like...primarily because he looks like my first Jeff...as in carbon copy ang lolo nyo! botommesa nga lang ito while jeff is certified top..,I miss those 10 months of ...well.u could guess the rest.=)

Songbird on wendy moten's song

Ive liked this song before but I liked it even more when regine velasquez sang it...Her rendition held that yearning...like she was telling us some of our emotions long forgotten..I like her version of this song.

HOLY BULGE...! gasp!

I just thought of posting this for you guys...would love to be in his shoes anytime..lol. Anyhow,ill be posting some more pics I've salvaged in the the net...enjoy

A goth poem (to be read in candle lighted rainy nights...)

...Eternal Kiss...
>
> I have held you once...
> But youve retreated into the shadows
> Leaving me with the pain of loss...
> ..of the thirst inside...
>
> Many nights have i waited your presence
> For this thirst to be sated
> Many fullmoons have passed...
> ...Along the wanting and needing...
>
> Now you are here..
> The one holding me and my heart...
> The skies started weeping
> As you give me that one final kisss..
> ...I was never the same again...
>
> ...And i will never be the same again...

MAIMED...as always

"Falling inlove is the operative word...not jumping or needing because it denotes decision and conscious effort...falling denotes helplessness...the kind which we just allow things to happen...and like in physical world..we often end up with broken limbs..emotionally."

STONE COLD

I had a one month relationship on the phone...that ended last sunday...I know,I know its absurd but for the idiot in me...I still dived in that chaotic situation.

I USED to love the guy but I dont know,I got cold when I saw his picture...Standards?Nah,I dont have that...Its just that,I dont see myself with him forever and whats more stupid is I couldnt blurt it out to him whenever we talk over the phone.Okay,ok...he looks my cousin's wife...thats turned me off big time.

When I read his letter in friendster bidding me goodbye...I didnt got sad,instead I heaved a sigh of relief..finally,I'll never have that freakin big role of ending something that couldve been a fruitful relationship...go ahead,smack my head...I am stupid this time.

Im currently having an affair with an 18 yr old guy and God knows I'm hjoping that his age wouldnt get in the way.He seems matured to handle things but still...theres this uncertainty...but I'm keepin my fingers crossed...get ready...sooner or later you might whack my head again...(hope this time its real)

SATURDAY MORNING @STARBUCK'S

Last saturday I had the most sensible talk in years...(gasp!) A nice chat with few sensible persons turned to be more than that.It gave birth to the sharing of unspoken emotions...Thoughts long buried under the topsoil of fake smiles.Suffice to say,I was able to see the real deal and the in betweens of people I never thought of having this intimate conversation with.Im grateful to have a glimpse of that...
Upon reflecting,I may not be that rich...or have the world at the top of my hand but I'm simply grateful...thankful that I was loved by my parents and appreciated that much.I have my skeletons in the closet..well,everyone has...but still,Im strong...I never realized Im this strong...and I have been given a wonderful gift...Far from being perfect but an intact family that there...ever ready to help whenever Im in need.
Thank you to those people whom Ive had the pleasure of sharing myself with that saturday morning...because thru them i was able to have a reality check as well.That in this world,people really need people to see thru things and to get thru everything...I gained a new perspective in life...Life is what we make it,and a few valuable friends here and there wouldnt hurt either. =)

...DITCHIN AGAIN...fuck man wazzup?!!!

... hhhmnnn..whats there to write?well nuthing much except that last night i met someone just to ditch the guy again...sheeesh...this is freakin vicious I know but I just dont see it that well be ok in the days to come..emotionally I mean...I dont have standards but I got dissapointed...twisted me...damn.hihi

I dont know whats happening ...most probably I've gotten tired of that vicious cycle...I trying to play the other half...damn...cool but I admit Its kinda Ickey pooh but I'm enjoying saying "sorry but friendship is all that I feel..hehehe".ITS MY TURN!!!!

Come set this soul free....

I've been searching for this song eversince I first heard it in the radio...fuckin awesome...kinda draws out the bumps and grind in me...damn sexy dance song...definitely a top in dance floor...enjoy grinding...

Everyone's dreaming of...

...hope to sing this song to the one ill be giving my heart to...hehehe...to you...with all heart...mwah!!!

Angel...

I never thought Ill find this song....omg!!! i love this song...sweetest and purest of love made into music...and sung by one of the most beautiful voices in japan...Seiko matsuda...ENJOY!!!!

FREE...

I just ditched someone ....someone who' s sooo infernally stupid he wouldnt know if the world would swallow him up due to stupidity.It felt great and empty at the same time...probably because I did loved the guy...But I guess hes not worth the effort and time...I shouldve known that falling inlove in voice is a no no...Well,I contributed to the whole shebang...Where's the guillitone...?

Maybe I wanted to much and way too soon.Shouldve taken my time knowing that bullshit but ....ah never mind.Its over know and I'm freakin free...Next please... =)

I fuckin resolve to be better next time....God knows I've screwed up so many times youcould write a catalogue for it...Well...thats life and This is my PARTYYYYYY!!!!

Finally Found

I so loveeeee this song...those were the days when I'm still innocent and vulnerable...Those pink bubbly moments when I still believe that love cant be broken once you made a promise....

LOVE...crazy,crazy crazy

Sometimes im really wondring why if love goes sour in the end,there would always be that one whos left with a broken heart...and finding it hard to move on...why cant they just both call it quits sans tears?this sucks...and this happened on me not too long ago....I hate the fact that I was left in the limbo while that guy just moved on like nothing happened.It is stupid I know...and it freakin happened.
I wish I'd be more tough...easier said than done because Im the type who gives my all.But I'm slowly learning the ropes...Fuckin crazy! It took me 28 years to learn how to stop the feelings and cry on cue but all is not lost.Im slowly learning.I hope Ill be able to take everything hook line ans sinker...frankly I'm tired...tired of all this vicious cycle...but ill bounce back...WATCH ME CONSUME YOU.

Let me know if I'm doing this right...

I love this song....so raw and sensual...one of my most sensual dream is to make love with this on the background...along with the candles and incense..pretty cool huh!hehe...but up to know im still shall we say...planning for that one special event...and hoping that the arms ill be caressing would be yours...

MY TWISTED SIDE...EMERGING

Hey...hows it going?im quite ok now...far better than the person i once was... It really helped me that i got friends who made me realize that life is still worth cherishing and it would really be a fuckin waste of time to cry over some loser...Thats me...Not long ago... I bounced back with all the sweet viciousness inside me..I am taking one day at a time...savoring all the beauty this world will give me and bidding my time...Taking care of my self better and more meticulously...I have forgotten the real me when i was so into this person...Its about time that I set free the Hunk in me...its freakin overdue.. Watch out as I set flight for the world to see...You who once said Ill never make it without you...will be very suprised...I have become a better person and the world will be my playground...This time,my game...my rules. REVENGE IS INDEED BEST SERVED COLD...

THE ROSE

"And the first rose bloom... Amidst the darkened skies... Caressed with innermost secrets of love

long forgotten... Of times long gone... passions long buried, Still waiting...hoping For the resurrection that will never come... ...The rain turned into howling winds... As the rose tried to feel.. The pointless dream of being alive... and the loneliness inside... teardrops fell from the skies... And touched the lips of that rose... As it cried gently from the pain ...of immortality...and eternity... "

To the one who owns my heart

this my song from the one who currently owns my heart(and hopefully the last...) God...Im freakin fallin again...Hoppe he will be the last guy ill be givin my heart with...love you Jay...

LOVE THIS SONG...A PERSONAL ANTHEM

Is it hard to believe I'm okay
After all, it's been a while since you walked away
I'm way past crying over your finding someone new
You turned my days into bright
But now I see the light
And this may be a big surprise to you
REFRAIN:
(But/'Cause) you've made me stronger by breaking my heart
You ended my life and made a better one start
You've taught me everything from fallin' in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye
If you'd rather believe I'm not over you
Go ahead-there's nothing wrong with making believe
I know 'cause I used to pretend you'd come back to me
But time has been such a friend
Brought me to my senses again
And I have you to thank for setting me free
(Repeat Refrain)
Think again
Don't feel so sorry for me, my friend
Oh, don't you know
I'm not the one at the losing end.
(Repeat Refrain twice moving into higher notes 'till fade)
You made stronger by saying
Goodbye...

A pain long forgotten...

This song will always hold a special place in my heart...it reminds me of a person whom I gave my all...well almost but got nothing in return...But still never felt any grudge for he was the one I fell for first time...my first real love...to you..we may never see each other again but your memory will always be here...along with this song in my heart...SATOxxx

TORN...BIG TIME!!!!

...I admit,im a bit of a player...maybe it came from that old childhood insecurity that ill never have a good relationship when I grow up.I currently have 4 people who is so into me...i dunno....Recently,i ditched the first and the oldest relationship that I have.It was painful but somehow I was relieved.The most confusing part was when I wasa about to ditch the las two...It felt hard...and a bit painful...I thought I'll be fine...but then one of the guys just wont let go.He called me up and started explaining.Im still a bit vulnerable coz I took it all and im still with him.The guy,s from the south and a med representative...Fuck! im freakin Torn...Guess im about to ditch my vampy-diva attitude towards love real soon....