ITSUMADEMO KOKORO KARA

some of my well loved japanese songs...sung by various artist...enjoy!

Life @ 5am

...you could guess the rest...Im here in workplace,whiling away the time after the shift...pouncing my emotions on the computer.honestly,I find everything sooo boring.Not because I find everything so easy but rather,Everything is so routinary...and I fuckin hate it.
Its my well treasured friends(FEW of them) that keeps me here...I mean from not showing up.I hate the fact that youll see the same gargoyles every shift.But against my better judgement...I have to.to sustain my lifestyle and the in betweens.But if I can just have my way...damn.You will never see me here.
Id rather sing onstage.release my musical side and all than slave my whole being to those assholes abroad...I feel that I could do more and be more on stage...just like in my younger days.

I NEED TO FIND WAYS TO LIVEN UP MY LIFE...THOUGH NOBODY HAS DIED OF BOREDOM YET...I DONT WANNA BE THE FIRST.SO THERE.

THIS IS SICK...JUST FUCKIN SICK

Im getting sick of everything around me...I need a fresh breeze of air...It seems like everything is so routinary and I wasnt made for this...dammit!

My workplace sucks as well...There are what you call Unspeakables...Why?the mere mention of their names makes me wanna go on and throw them out of the building.Curse those swell headed fucks who knows nuthing but to downsize people...well,karma is digital nowadays.Those bigots and racist in my workplace...fuck them for being insufferable idiots...I pray for their immediate demise. I just hate everything now...I need a change!!! a freaking nice well deserve change...Coz plainly everything is sooo routinary..And I refuse to be eaten up by the vicious cycle.

DITCHING...

I ditched gian after meeting him...No magic...I tried to look for the chemistry that we had over the phone but there was none...Theres no way I could prolong this one...(sigh)

TRAPPED STILL

pathetic it may seems but I do believe that first love never dies...its just there,buried under the layers of new emotions but never forgotten.I hate the fact that Im still missing him...most probably because hes the one I gave my all...and I mean my ALL...
Youll always have a special place in my heart...no matter where I'll be or whom I'm with...It would still be you...Niko...

Hope that God would give me someone like you...though I know that hoping is futile...Im still hoping...because What I felt for you is true...and truth has endurance...

an open letter...

I need to do that for you...you might not understand it this early and honestly I do have my share of mistake thats why remember I said Im sorry last time, but I hold one of the greatest truths that youve been denying yourself...Have you ever wondered even for a split second why He can kiss me and the other guy in front of you?that he likes the way I kissed him?...He already disclosed the fact to me in the CR.That he doesnt see himself falling for you...I need to flirt to see everything and I was able to confirm my worst suspicions.You know I have lots of guys and frankly That bitchy moment was just like that..a bitchy moment.And I was able to find some truths straight from him.For the life of me...I wouldnt steal him away from no one..much more to you...Yeah,I liked the way we kissed but I never said I loved him... and I wouldnt see him with me either...You know my taste.
You may not see me the way I was before and frankly speaking I dont give a damn about it.Piece of advice though...no matter how unsolicited it is.LET GO...LET GO OF THAT STRUGGLE TO WIN HIM.ITS JUST A LOSING ACT.HE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU THE WAY YOURE LOVING HIM.AND YOU DESERVE MORE THAN WHAT YOUR GETTING FROM HIM.

You may end the friendship between us if you want to...Thats perfectly fine with me...but do wake up.You cant play loser forever.I wish you success and you may find the one whos really worth your life.

Black Widow Kiss

I did kiss someone I wasnt supposed to kiss and almost got eaten up by the consequences.This guy is the person whom my friend is crushing on..well,the guy's committed but my friend,for the stupidity of him...is actin up that they are a couple...so there.
I got a bit drunk(sorry) and well,were sitting side by side...the guy held my hand...so am I.Nobody knows whats happening under the table and it started out as just a mere provocation...well,you know what happens when a guy's drunk...So we kissed (a short kiss with tongue involved)My friend shrieked.
Frankly...I liked his lips..and he later admitted that he liked the way I kissed him.My friend got balistic...so am I...Whats with that kiss?Its not like I'm gonna steal the guy from him..Its just a momentary pleasure that we both liked.it happened one last time in the cr.This time its a bit more passionate and longer...before I bid him goodbye.And he disclosed that theres no way he will fall for my friend coz hes with a guy for 18 mos.(ouch)
My friend and I got into a short spat afterwards and I so wanna slap him with the reality that he should wake up...there will never be a happy ending for them...And Im geting tired of him actin as if he was the bf...Silly arguments that they love to wallow in...to make themselves more important?I couldnt care less.He perfectly knows how stupid he is and yet he likes what hes in now.
I walked out,hailed a cab and went home without talkin...its just stupid to bring up the subject and the argument...its plain and simple.NO THEM.
You might chastise me for being a bitch but Im just honest..I liked the way we kissed...but thats just about it.I know where to draw the line...somehow(smiles)