Bleeding Heart

My present status now...a gem of a song that digs and unravels whats inside of me...enjoy the song...


Bleeding Heart

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see...

Stagnant at 5 pm

Just got out of the gym and typing in the computer...sorry if I dont have pictures here...its kinda strict here in the office.No downloading.Anyhow,my lifes ok...but somehow...deep inside,Im longing for something.Something that would make my blood rush.a natural high.Im not looking for sex...silly but more like the rush and adventures of being young again...I dunno...Im bored.my life has become a routine of some sort.work,gym work gym...I long for those days that I used to run in the fields...bantering with childhood friends in the rain...ah...the essence of being innocent..If I could just turn back the hands of time...those time that the thing that I worry is how to finish that goddamn algebraic equations in 2nd year...hehehe.
I love where Im at now and thankful that Im healthy and have reached this stage by far...but somehow...there are times that you wanna scream...that you feel that youre cooped up inside...that you wanna break free...for no reason at all...sometime it happens..and this is one of them.I hate catatonia.
am I still making sense?...I hope so...I just have to let this out or else like poison...itll kill me...figuratively.anyhow,I love life along with the ups and the uncertainty it brings but Im still longing for something wonderful and new...Something that would make the little boy inside me jump with glee again...till then...we'll both wait...hmmn.

My Big love

I recently watched this movie...and I freakin enjoyed it!!!I usually am not into filipino movies due to its rehashed plots but this one kinda touched a soft spot in my heart. Mackie,the main guy character is very much like me before...I used to be fat.And Im tellin you...being in the heavy weight side is no joke.I think I experienced all kinds of rejections by that time.And I think thats the main reason that drove me to shed those pounds...To get back to the world.I did lost some pounds but then again it feels empty.Like half baked satisfaction.Then I begin to love and befriend my self slowly...loving the reason why Im doing it and felt complete from then on.I realized that vengance and getting back can fuel your passion for a while but leaves you empty handed afterwards.This movie cemented that idea.That no matter what you do...it would always always be satisfying to know that the reason your doing it is because you love it...and it makes you happy.


PS I cried a bit...I used to be like him. =)

If ever you (will) be in my arms again...

My most favorite song made into duet...a nice arrangement...damn...never fails to bring out the romantic guy in me...along with the tears and wishes of what couldve been...sigh* Anyhow this is for you NIKO....years may have passed by but I guess...Im resigned to the fact that itll always be you Ive loved this deep.


PS Love really is sweeter the second
time around...cherish him if he comes back to you...

Ive come Undone

Im quite nearing the ripe sexy age of 30 and Im suddenly having these momentarily flashes of my life...Its not a morbid thing but more like a reflection of what has transpired all this time...What Ive been through and what I have become...
Looking back I have been in the swirling and most often dizzying world of Gay realm since I first came out in the late 90's.I have experienced getting rejected and being loved...which unfortunately never lasted but nevertheless worth it.Why?...it made me stronger.
Now that im nearing almost half of my life...Id like to say that Im more focused.Had to admit that there are times that I got fatalistic but now,I think more of the people that I care most..my family and slowly starting to be there for them...I have been a good son,dont get me wrong.Its just that I feel that what Ive done to make them happy isnt enough...or just plain Im maturing enough to know WHO really matters in my life most.
Ive never considered this 30ish phase as of getting old but more like the start of the real adventure. Early 20's was more like rediscovering who I was and learning the ropes of everything.I couldnt have said it all.I learned everyhting I needed to.And now, armed with the precious nuggets of wisdom from those years...Im really eager to face my life and start an honest to goodness adventure.
I never am regretting that its just now I was able to see the bigger picture.Maybe its really just now that the bolts and knots started churning for me...and I know with my family and God with my side...I can live to the fullest with that one particular line of the song " Its time for me to do it...on my own." =)