Psychological Colds

Have you experience getting psychological colds?the kind which makes you instantly withdrawn and wants to give the first person you meet a swift kick in the head? I do...and Im experiencing it right now...

For the longest time I find myself despising the people around me...I hate hypocrisy...and having so much tupperwares areound just wont do it...Its like im beginning to get claustrophobic because of these dimwits...And I couldnt just rip their hearts out of their chest...Its not in our code of conduct.I might get a memo.

Im still observing...like a grandmaster in a chess tournament...contemplating my moves and bidding my time...And Im learning to be a little bit selfish and loving myself a bit more...I know that ill reclaim again my spot.

La Hombra Immortis

I never thought I could be this mean....and i'm loving it.I wasnt born this way but due to unavoidable circumstances...I was forced to let my dark side out...And Im sooo glad I did.
You see Ive been very nice to people around me...Even those ungrateful bullshits at workplace...I tried to make friends with them.But I guess,no matter how you look for an ideal place to work...some things never change....and there will always be those people who are for the life of them,are eager to be on top and always in. I dont have have problems with that ...but when my peaceful existence are threatened...My vicious side just gets out.
And the one I mentioned in one of my recent blogs,hes the one Im pointing at....well,I may be quiet and just ignoring it on the outside,to the point of being labeled as catatonic but never underestimate a quiet person. There are lots of things that are going inside my mind...and dang! did I made those real! hehehehe
witchcraft has been a long tradition in the family...a lineage which can never be forgotten.Lets just say I summoned few trusted entities to do my bidding...Karma wise.I cant be hit.Why? HE STARTED IT..and Im just returning ther favor...and its taking effect. Talk about him getting sick and wasted...till when? i dont know...call me bad but Im not about to end soon...not just yet.
I know its not right but its ok....Ive been very nice and all...and am just giving him a taste of his bitter medicine.I felt relieved....I might be cruel...but it made me happy...and I am smiling.Finally, the forces...conspiring with me...Ive been badly hit in the past....Its about time.


P.S. I wonder how does it taste when your tootbrush is used
as a toilet bowl cleaner...I dont know...but he does... ( smiles wickedly)

You asked for it...

...Let the Bitch Fight begin...

Rift...Insecurity and blah blah....

This is'nt about me...more like someone I am now living with.Dont get me wrong...I just moved on in a townhouse with a friend and we decided to have another one shre the expenses.This one is an officemate. He was quite fine until weve reached the norming stage...adjusting to each others quirks and all shit.
He had what we call the basic carry overs of a young urbanite ( laptop,phones,CC etc...) but something 's wrong with the way he's acting. ..and Im not liking it.He has an attittude problem...like hes all that....I dunno whats happening...and slowly getting disgusted.
I am nice...way too nice and Im still keepin my temper under moderate conditions...and Im really hoping that its just a norming process...Knwoing how vicious I am if provoked...He wouldnt stand a chance ... Im still keeping my fingers crossed about the whole thing and praying that itll pass...otherwise,I guess I wouldnt have a choice but to bring out my dark side...It has been long dormant.But then again...it feels good to be vicious and bad sometimes.Dont you think? ( smiles devilishly...)

Musings of a 31 year old Chinito

Time flies sooo fast and before I know it,another year has been added,a page turned in my life...I am already 31 yrs old. My parents are already asking me when I will settle..Not that Im gay or anything but this got me thinking for a while...does it really have to go with age?I dunno but emotionally Im still looking for that perfect and missing piece of the puzzle...

For those of you who followed me circa 2006 when I was still clueless on life and love,You know that Ive been thru a lot and infact have died and got resurrected emotionally many times...So many that it would shame your trusty planner

I never regreted the fact that Ive been thru ALL of those.Come to think of it,Those emotional milestones and obstacles made me like a wine...sinfully addicting as I age ( you get the point,right?)

I am now taking everything in stride...Not hurrying things anymore.Love was never meant to be halfbaked.It has to be churned and cooked with its own time..and that what Im doing now.Gone are the days that I have to beg for somebody to stay.I own now my world and my confidence and is not dependent on someone elses.

Bitch moments will always be there =) but now I know how to crush with subtlety.So subtle that you wouldnt know that youre crumbling before my very presence.And mastering this is an acquired taste.You have to experience getting in order to give something...And I always make it to the point to contain this power otherwise Ill raise chaos and hell all over ( which is osmetimes needed to wake up these idiots).

Im dating someone,more like going out with someone who is 10 years younger than me.Im not saying that I like younger men.If I could only choose I rather have someone close to my age but as destiny would have it...Younger men tend to gravitate towards me...Not that Im freakin father figure( no fuckin way! im too young for that!) but I guess maybe Im not all fuck and suck..I talk and think as well.And sense and sensibilty would always be needed in the relationship...( you bet)

Gone are the days of shock appeal as well.I play with subtlety in fashion.Clean haircut and casual clothes are the way to go.The only remnants of my flashy self are the contacts lenses which I still wear- but in hazel colors now...Taste evolves with age ...and I have found the way I REALLY would want to look and be seen.I couldve not been more grateful for this acquired taste of wisdom and sense.... =)

For Mama...with so much love

Last week has been a gruelling ordeal. We had a family squabble and it got way too much to handle.Mom's ok but she still has some reservations over my stepdad after what happened.

And me...?

....I have to be the mediator and explain things to them...

Imagine.

Sometimes I ask myself why we have to go thru this...I had a fairly good childhood.Was raised by a loving family then...but this...?Is as if the world suddenly toppled over and acted on the opposite side.It felt heavy ...like I was serving some Karma over something I didnt do...

...I never questioned the will of the Big Guy Upstairs one bit...Im just musing at how things have happened.Like it was some scenario on a telenovela...and us...For the the life of me are acting the parts.

I just wish that the hurt would end soon.I love my mom so much.So much that when in front of her...my tear ducts are sealed.I dont wanna be weak when im with her.Coz I know shes getting her strength from me....The tears only show when im alone.But for Mom...Ill do everything.I dunno,But its just now that i learned how much I loved my mother.Dont get me wrong,Ive been a good son....

But its just now I realized that I LOVE HER THIS MUCH

that im willing to stand up for her against my stepdad....

I already told him that nobody can hurt my mother as long as Im around....

Its a tall challenge and warning...

...But Im happy....

Everything....for Mom. =)

Me...Stripped...Raw...for keeps.

I recently had or more likely tried to have an encounter again. My friends are all having it...SEB's and all so I kinda thought, hey might as well try it again...but then...

It turned out as a suprise that I dont or make that no longer enjoy those fleeting encounters anymore.I went to the pad of this guy and we did the whole thing minus the penetration...but on the totality..I didnt enjoyed it. I came..sure...but there was this thing ...one thing lacking... and im very sure its just now that I was able to check it within.

I got scared while these thoughts whirled in my head...Am iI turning frigid..(!) Seems like I have lost the zest in one night things.Before I usually get up with that post-coital glow...but now everything seemed to be bland...to the extent of numbness.I felt like a whore.It was depressing.

then it dawned to me...while taking a shower in my own bathroom,that I have REALLY grown up.I am now looking for INTIMACY,the kind that entwines your emotions to this certain person...That the void I was feeling after that suck session was entirely due to spending it with someone I barely know...and now,I realized that my heart was already taking centerstage...and im longing to have that someone whom I can love for all my life...

This really suprised me..I guess gone are the days for the player in me...besides,I have had my share of heartbreaks,have broken the hearts of many and craziness.I guess this is the time to know what LOVE really is all about...and what instore for me...Im feeling giddy..like a highschool boy with his first crush...but Im liking the feeling..And I want it to last..this time.