Me...Stripped...Raw...for keeps.

I recently had or more likely tried to have an encounter again. My friends are all having it...SEB's and all so I kinda thought, hey might as well try it again...but then...

It turned out as a suprise that I dont or make that no longer enjoy those fleeting encounters anymore.I went to the pad of this guy and we did the whole thing minus the penetration...but on the totality..I didnt enjoyed it. I came..sure...but there was this thing ...one thing lacking... and im very sure its just now that I was able to check it within.

I got scared while these thoughts whirled in my head...Am iI turning frigid..(!) Seems like I have lost the zest in one night things.Before I usually get up with that post-coital glow...but now everything seemed to be bland...to the extent of numbness.I felt like a whore.It was depressing.

then it dawned to me...while taking a shower in my own bathroom,that I have REALLY grown up.I am now looking for INTIMACY,the kind that entwines your emotions to this certain person...That the void I was feeling after that suck session was entirely due to spending it with someone I barely know...and now,I realized that my heart was already taking centerstage...and im longing to have that someone whom I can love for all my life...

This really suprised me..I guess gone are the days for the player in me...besides,I have had my share of heartbreaks,have broken the hearts of many and craziness.I guess this is the time to know what LOVE really is all about...and what instore for me...Im feeling giddy..like a highschool boy with his first crush...but Im liking the feeling..And I want it to last..this time.

...

Biatchy Thought :


Embassy at the Fort is not for gays and bi's..most of the people there are posseurs and
just plain look-at-me-im gorgeous please- type. Music is good but the atmosphere is fake.

I'd take Goverment and Bed anytime.

Smack -o -whirl

Have you ever been in the situation wherein everyone and everything seems to be going against you? As if the forces of the universe decided to test your patience and trip on you?...well,thats how I feel now.

Things arent that worse,its just that I feel like theres this blue funk shrouding every idea that I have...and my burst of perkiness are also affected.I hate it...I am always the last ones that gets this momentarily surge of depression but now I feel like it has eaten me..whole.

I am still sick with this acute pharyngitis and still recuperating.I dont like the idea that I cant function well.And this came at the moment wherein I decided to do my best in everything.Nice.

Im currently using all the powers that I have and the things that I have in my room to dispell gloom...will do a dvd marathon later...And Im really hoping that it would lift my spirits...I just hate the fact that the glow in me kinda dimmed for a while..hope to bounce back soon.

Bitch Quotes to perk you up...

...there are times in your colored lives that you are faced with situations that leaves you with NO choice but to crush your opponents with your diva one liners...hope you get something here! heheheh...Drumroll pls!!!

1. "You..out of my planet...Now!


2. "Magkano ba ang problema mo...?"


3. "Everybody is entitled to being stupid but honey, youre abusing the privilege"


4. "I dont need your attitude..I have one of my own"


5. "Were having creative differences..Im creative and youre different"


6. "Its not an attitude honey, its the way I am"


7. "Kung pangit ako...ano ka na?"


8. " Buti na lang bakla ako...kung hindi mamamatay kang birhen.."


9. " Nakakakilala ka pa ba ng salamin..?"


10. " Im gorgeous...not helpless..."


11. " Wherever I go, I make the goddamn rules..."


12. " If you want a space, Join NASA.."


13. "thank you for saying this, atleast im not gonna have a hard time letting you know whats in my head..."

The Fairytale Reality Check

I hate to break the stereotype but sometimes we have to have a reality check...(its like slapping your cheeks with your own hand with full gusto).Are we really inlove? or are we just inlove with the thought of being inlove?(try saying that 5x faster)
I feel envious sometimes whenever I see couples or gay couples for that matter getting cozy to each other...(this is a dead giveaway to my current lovelife).what makes them tick and what makes me sooo elusive.Its not that Im presenting myself to every guy I meet but you get the thought.
I started to check my self and then I noticed some things...that Yes,If I will be dating me...Id back off.men got intimated because there are certain traits that I guess shooes them away and singles me out in the whole dating and getting cozy arena...c'mon,dont say I told you so...im working on it.
Dont get me wrong...there are brave guys who still hit on me but I guess its more on finding the shoe that fits...and on myself....taming my Mr.Hyde.Im starting the process of overhauling myself emotionally and physically (Again!) so as to be ..uh...more accomodating to people..and to the One I will be giving my life it...(stupidity meter just rose a notch level)

Everybody loves a fairytale and frogs turning into a princes but sometimes,reality feels better and the more tangible it becomes...the better the outcome will be...


P.S. I kissed gazillion of frogs already and up to now,
all Im seeing are Orcs...Ugh.

The frailty of Human Existence

Im not fatalistic...I usually look into the brighter side of everything but there will always come a time that in some way, these morbid thoughts would creep in...like, What im working for? my money goes to those things that I adorn my body with...which in time shall rot and turn into dust.that these things would just be anything but mementos of a being who once hedonistically purchased them.
That all of these things that we must endure are part of nothingness...that we would just be a speck of nothing when grim reaper comes and knocks in...Its a scary thought..and I am often haunted by that...That everything that we have worked on for...will be for nothing.. this is where "nothing lasts forever" comes into view.I usually block these thoughts by thinking that there would always be a brighter side but there are times that this technique doesnt work.That I ,for the life of me gets swallowed in these morbid thoughts....
Prayer usually helps to strengthen your faith that everything would turn out just fine..but there would always be that tiny voice in me...asking why? why do we have to die? where would we go...would there really be a safe place afterlife?...
I know that these questions are trivial but when you try to atleast think about it...this is where we all grasp for something tangible...a solid answer....to hold on to..and to reassure that we will just be fine ...Such is the frailty of human existence.

EARGASM

I never thought I'll be addicted to music this much till now...I had this ipod for 2 yrs and had a fairly good playlist but now,I think ill go crazy if this little devil will crash.To put it succintly,I wouldnt survive a day without music.
Warren,a friend and a former DJ uploaded some songs in my ipod and suggested that i purchased this ginormous headset from Cdr-king...Like a true music afficionado,I went to the mall and did what i was told...and Wham! Music never felt this good...sooo good that its better than sex and masturbation..( for now...)
My ipod boasts now of eclectic playlist ranging from house to 80's down to the swingin groove of the 60's...A compact jukebox...and i couldnt ask for more baby!..heheheh!!!
Im planning to get an ipod touch though in the future to widen my playlist and save these treasures forever...now my only worry is how can I extract the songs from the ipod and store it in my laptops back up files...since all the songs are in mp3 form,its directly stored in the playlist...hhhmmmnnn..calling all IT professionals!!!

For now,I can say that Im really satisfied with the music and all shit...this entry is different from the juicy ones but im good...and contented.So contented that I'll just let my ears do the fucking for me...hehe