For Mama...with so much love

Last week has been a gruelling ordeal. We had a family squabble and it got way too much to handle.Mom's ok but she still has some reservations over my stepdad after what happened.

And me...?

....I have to be the mediator and explain things to them...

Imagine.

Sometimes I ask myself why we have to go thru this...I had a fairly good childhood.Was raised by a loving family then...but this...?Is as if the world suddenly toppled over and acted on the opposite side.It felt heavy ...like I was serving some Karma over something I didnt do...

...I never questioned the will of the Big Guy Upstairs one bit...Im just musing at how things have happened.Like it was some scenario on a telenovela...and us...For the the life of me are acting the parts.

I just wish that the hurt would end soon.I love my mom so much.So much that when in front of her...my tear ducts are sealed.I dont wanna be weak when im with her.Coz I know shes getting her strength from me....The tears only show when im alone.But for Mom...Ill do everything.I dunno,But its just now that i learned how much I loved my mother.Dont get me wrong,Ive been a good son....

But its just now I realized that I LOVE HER THIS MUCH

that im willing to stand up for her against my stepdad....

I already told him that nobody can hurt my mother as long as Im around....

Its a tall challenge and warning...

...But Im happy....

Everything....for Mom. =)

Me...Stripped...Raw...for keeps.

I recently had or more likely tried to have an encounter again. My friends are all having it...SEB's and all so I kinda thought, hey might as well try it again...but then...

It turned out as a suprise that I dont or make that no longer enjoy those fleeting encounters anymore.I went to the pad of this guy and we did the whole thing minus the penetration...but on the totality..I didnt enjoyed it. I came..sure...but there was this thing ...one thing lacking... and im very sure its just now that I was able to check it within.

I got scared while these thoughts whirled in my head...Am iI turning frigid..(!) Seems like I have lost the zest in one night things.Before I usually get up with that post-coital glow...but now everything seemed to be bland...to the extent of numbness.I felt like a whore.It was depressing.

then it dawned to me...while taking a shower in my own bathroom,that I have REALLY grown up.I am now looking for INTIMACY,the kind that entwines your emotions to this certain person...That the void I was feeling after that suck session was entirely due to spending it with someone I barely know...and now,I realized that my heart was already taking centerstage...and im longing to have that someone whom I can love for all my life...

This really suprised me..I guess gone are the days for the player in me...besides,I have had my share of heartbreaks,have broken the hearts of many and craziness.I guess this is the time to know what LOVE really is all about...and what instore for me...Im feeling giddy..like a highschool boy with his first crush...but Im liking the feeling..And I want it to last..this time.