I recently gave my heart to person who sadly doesnt even know how to appreciate it...I gave everything...the tears..the love...and the longing to no avail.It hurts to know that after everything I've done...My heart would still be left alone...cold and deserted.
Just when is enough? I dont know...At this point, Im still trying to grasp everything.Making sense of what has transpired and what made me decide to end it all.I love that person with all of me but I was taken for granted because he tries to maintain this discreet persona...That we agreed to meet at this certain hour and I was made to wait for more than an hour just because some girl asked him to accompany her to smoke.Totally forgetting that there was I,waiting for him,the dinner I ordered for us getting cold...And when in the car being told that I shouldnt expect too much from him,that we never made any promises prior to this relationship...and he will still marry some girl in the future and asking me why am I feeling torn..? Is asking for a small appreciation and love too much? we are just starting and I am given these information already...am I expected not to feel a thing?...Just when is really enough? I was hurting and still am.Not for him but for the fact that I have loved again...thrown all cautions in the wind and still was taken for granted.
I have ended the relationship 2 days ago prior to this writing and I was crying not from the outside.But from the innermost recesses of my soul.That I gave everything and was torn into pieces...and left alone ..crying and wondering what went wrong on my part...
I know that there is a lesson behind all of this...and right now,im still waiting for that silver lining.That someday I could fathom why it was me...why it happened and will I still be able to give everything after this...Im still keeping the faith...
"...Sana maulit muli...
di na sana aasa pa...
kung kaya ko sana..."
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4 comments:
time will heal. sadly, often love is not enough. i'm sure there were signs early on that this relationship is not going to go anywhere or that he simply is not the right person for the kind of relationship that you want. the lesson here is: choose whom you love wisely.
i understand your pain.
we all get to/through that kind of dilemma. and it's no way to win.
i know it hurts like hell, but the most you can do is learn from it.
if you need somebody to talk to, just buzz me at my blog.
ingat, pare. get well soon. life is too short.
It is better to have learned it earlier than let the recesses of your sanity be bogged down by the type of relationship he wanted to maintain.
You have fallen in love so deep and this is the reason why it is hurting. You did well, by moving on, and since the wound is still fresh, let it heal. Then let it go, for someone will always come for you, knocking...
Hmm... Some chose to be discreet because they don't feel the need to be effeminate to express their love for another man, some chose to be discreet due to the homophobic machismo culture we have in society. Sadly the guy is categorized in the latter.
I think most of us felt this pain throughout our lives of loving fellow men, but crying from within hurts more than letting those tears flow. I once promised myself never to shed a tear after I broke up with my ex and for two years I was able to keep it. Those two years were hard and heavy on me until the day I cried again.
I do wish you well and hope one day you find the right one for you, but for now learn from the experience... Hmmm I hope I'm not opening healing wounds since this post was done weeks ago. Anyway, always look for that silver lining.
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